I was reading a thread in one of the many forums I monitor about relationship contracts. There were two basic schools of thought.
The first was that a BDSM contract is an essential part of the relationship building process. "There greatest value is at the inception of a relation. When the spoken word of expectations is put in written form, it serves to clarify and document responsibility." This poster also indicated that his relationship contract was used for benchmarking, which from my point of view would seem to be a very useful tool for those in LTR of this nature.
The second school of thought was that, as the contract could not be enforced, it was useless.
Although I agree BDSM relationship contracts are not enforceable, I believe the process itself has some merit. What say you?
Breakfast in Bed
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The morning rose bright and unseasonably warm. The sun shone through the
thin gossamer curtains in our small cheap hotel room in dusty yellow beams.
The l...
10 years ago
I too think that they are a good starting point, as well as some form of checklist, even though some prefer not to go there. The lifestyle is based around many traditional sorts of protocol, whether it be the SSC concept, ritualistic activities such as the collaring process, how to address others in the lifestyle at sponsored events...you name it.
ReplyDeleteA contract is nothing more than a written set of expectations that the couple will base their relationship on. No, it's not binding, any more than a collar is binding, but it shows a commitment to bring out into the open, what it is we both want and expect. For those who see life as black and white, it can make it easier to exit the relationship when certain contractual obligations (needs) aren't being met. For others, like myself, it's simply a starting point, is very fluid and dynamic and is meant to change as time, feelings and circumstances warrant.
It's really no different than when a person makes a living will. It needs to be frequently looked at, evaluated and altered according to today's situation.
My 2-cents..
Brett
. . . sees Brett's 2 cents and raises him 10.
ReplyDeleteI agree a relationship contract of any kind should be a fluid and dynamic document. However, one of my issues with it is the whole concept of "if you break the contract you're out the door."
Although most of us can agree that some things are (and should be) deal breakers, it's not possible to look ahead and see what all you are going to be faced with in the future.
Also, that the contract has been breached in some way is, to me, a reason to have a discussion, not a reason to pack your bags.
I'm not saying I would enter into this type of contract with the intent of breaking it. But shit happens.
Hello Miss Kinky,
ReplyDeleteI think writing a Master/slave contract is a good way to see how well you can communicate some difficult to express concepts, like needs and feelings.
A BDSM relationship needs, I think, its terms spelled out because there are so many possible ways that two people could relate to one another. If anything, the contract helps each party to clarify what they expect.
ReplyDeleteHello dave, welcome to my blog!
ReplyDeleteI very much like that statement: clarify expectation.
kinky
EtAll:
ReplyDeleteFor many contracts are a great way to insure that each party knows where they stand in a "contracted" relationship. Further in most cases there is an "escape" clause which allows either party to leave if the contract has not been honored in some way.
Almost everyone knows that such a contract is not legally binding under the eyes of the law, but in the honor in which it is intended it is binding.
Yet honor seems to have left much of the lifestyle these days. All too many people have forgotten that their word is their bond and now lying is unfortunately all too common on each side of the lifestyle.
When we as a people begin to honor our words and mean what we say and say what we mean, then honor will return to not only the lifestyle but all aspects of life. Honor the ones you give your word to and in turn you will find honor.
Nuff said...
As It Is, so shall it become,
~Raya~
Thank you Raya. Great post and welcome to my blog.
ReplyDelete