First Meet Courtesy

A topic obviously culled from my experiences this past weekend.

You meet someone online, things seem good, you set up a face to face. You have a pleasant meal, maybe play around a bit (no actual sex). A nice time had by all (or so you think). You part with no set expectations in mind aside from possible plans to meet up again in a couple weeks.

My question is, what is the expected etiquette at this point? In my mind, once I meet someone, I may not have a boatload of expectations, but I certainly expect common courtesy.

I know it might be difficult, but is it really too much to expect a thanks, but no thanks email if you decide (for whatever reason) that you don't wish to continue?

And yes, I know that NO response is a response.

Thoughts?

Today's the Day

So, today's the day I meet B. My emotions are all over: nervous (will I look fat in the outfit I've picked out?) and stressed (will the chemistry be there?) one moment to hopeful (I really like this guy) and positive (no matter what happens, I'm looking forward to meeting a great person) the next.

Dating (such as it is) at 55. I'm sure I'll manage to do a great job of appearing sophisticated (not) and serene (never -- okay, hardly ever).

I admit it, I am an intensely passionate person. I'm far more like to follow my heart than my head. But it's times like these when I wish I could ratchet the intensity level down a few notches and coast along on a much more even keel (did I mix enough metaphors?). Of course then I wouldn't be me.

Which more or less brings us to today's question: A first meet: Can you maintain some emotional detachment? Or are you a mess or nerves? Or do you careen from one to the other with the speed of an Indy 500 driver (I had to get another metaphor in there)???

Let us know.

Incest : the orginal taboo?

The idea for this post came from a thread on CM. A young male sub got propositioned by his uncle.

There were two VERY divergent schools of thought.

The first was incest is wrong, wtf is wrong with you, and how could you trust someone willing to take advantage of your sibling's child.

The other was, well gee, you're both male, it's not like you will produce children, so if you can emotionally cope with it, go for it!

Where are your thoughts? Is incest okay as long as no kids are produced? Or is it always just plain wrong?

I'd like to know your thoughts.

Cat Takes A Shower

And I thought my cats were strange. . . .

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.)
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people..
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug users,
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .

Aftercare: an essential part of your session?

I've been reading a thread on CM about aftercare. There were two schools of thought presented: 1) Aftercare is an essential part of any session, and 2) aftercare is all BS propagated by princess subs who like to have their dom running around catering to them.

I happen to think aftercare is important, especially for those prone to sub drop.

What say you?

The face to face meet: How soon do you do it?

I'm Meeting Someone New in Less Than Two Weeks

I have plans to hook up with someone for the first time the weekend after next. A male dominant type. At this point we don't have anything too major planned. We'll meet for lunch, he'll come back to my place, we'll go from there. He'll probably spend the night (he's in the next state) and he understands this will most likely be on my couch. So far he's good with all this.

He's actually a very nice person. We've been having some interesting conversations over the phone in the last couple weeks. And I'm *very* physically attracted to him. I'm trying to keep on a nice even keel while being mildly hopeful.

Which brings us to our topic. The face to face meet: How soon do you do it? Are you a "meet ASAP" type or a "I need to let this relationship grow online for a few months" type? Why?

Or do you not use the internet to meet people? And why is that?

Let us know!

New Discovery in New Guinea

Wow ! Great pictures.

Switches- would you consider a switch for a partner?

Would you consider a switch for a BDSM partner? Why or why not?

Please, for clarity's sake, let us know if you are dom or sub.

All opinions welcome !!!

Very Funny Video

The Internet and BDSM: Has it had a Good Effect or a Bad One???

A comment I made on a post yesterday brought this topic to mind. I mentioned that the internet has brought BDSM out into the open. Although I think this is a good thing (overall), there are some down sides to having the BDSM lifestyle be a more mainstream subculture.

The big downside for me are all the wankers (both male and female) who think the BDSM community is a place to make a quick sex hook up. Then there are the newbies who profess to having 20 years experience, and they're in their 30s (Or, you can tell from their profile or their messages, that's just not possible.)

And I think both of these things has had a huge effect on the BDSM community as a whole. We used to be very nurturing to new people who were interested in learning about the lifestyle (once we trusted them enough to teach them the secret handshake!). Now, a newbie is considered a wanker and a poser until they prove otherwise. And that's just sad.

What are your thoughts? Has the Internet helped the BDSM subculture? Or has it hurt it?

BDSM Contracts: Do you use one?

I was reading a thread in one of the many forums I monitor about relationship contracts. There were two basic schools of thought.

The first was that a BDSM contract is an essential part of the relationship building process. "There greatest value is at the inception of a relation. When the spoken word of expectations is put in written form, it serves to clarify and document responsibility." This poster also indicated that his relationship contract was used for benchmarking, which from my point of view would seem to be a very useful tool for those in LTR of this nature.

The second school of thought was that, as the contract could not be enforced, it was useless.

Although I agree BDSM relationship contracts are not enforceable, I believe the process itself has some merit. What say you?

Kinky Sex on the Rise

According to the article, kinky sex is on the rise. In other words, more kinksters are emerging.

Is this your take on things?

We all know the internet has made kink more mainstream. But has this more mainstream interest introduced people to kink that would not be (for want of a better word) "bent" that way?

Or has the kink always been there, it's just more people feel safe allowing it to emerge b/c it's more mainstream these days?

What are YOUR thoughts?

DJ^Prey^ on Evolution Radio

That's the link for my radio station. Yes, I'm an online DJ. Mon and Wed evenings, 7-9 PM EST.


This is a billboard station, so classic rock. Enjoy !!

cat versus aquarium

Very funny video. You get the idea the cat does that, alot !

How to Follow This Blog, and Other Stuff

To follow this blog, you don' t have to sign up to anything special. You can use most popular email programs. Just go to the bottom right, click on followers, and choose your email program and the addy you want to use to follow.

Please Help Me with Resource Links

Among other things, I see this blog as a resource tool. I have already posted some bdsm links and a reading list. PLEASE let me know if you have a great site or a good book that should be added to my lists.

Day One As a Kinky Blogger - Privacy

Okay, this has been an *interesting* process already. I go through the blog set up, no problem. I'm tooling along nicely, adding links to kinky info sites, getting my reading list set up, thinking, "this is EASY. I can do this."Then I go to view my blog and realize I fucked up major early on and didn't notice it. Right there, at the top of my page is the email addy I associated with the blog. And it has my full name. Not just that, the state I live in, just in case, you know, my FULL NAME isn't enough.

Jesus Christ on a bike !!

I had no idea THAT would happen !! So now I have to got to the help forums, and find out wtf to do. And yes, I know I could have deleted it and started a new one, but I'd just spent time adding all those links, and I'm stubborn, and and . . .

The help forum had actual help (nice !) and I managed to fix the issue. But it did require me to THINK before I'd really woken up (drag !).

Which segues into my first blog topic: How out front are you about your kink? If the above had happened to you, would you have panicked like I did? Do you have a lot of kinky friends, or are you so private about your kink, no one knows save for a handful of online kink friends??? What would you do if you were outed?